| The pain of being the family cash cow | Send to a friend |
| Sunday, 03 February 2013 11:09 |
By Sharifa Kalokola Amina Hussein (not her real name) is in a financial mess. After taking home her January salary a few days ago, her bank statement is now back to the zero balance. She has blown away all her money in settling her own bills, plus those of the extended family of nine. And now, she feels like she does not have a life of her own anymore. The family cash cow. It is the title that aptly describes Amina, who graduated two years ago with a degree in dentistry, and right away got a job with a private hospital in Dar es Salaam. As the year begins, and families are still struggling to get their life back in line Financially, many family breadwinners like Amina are feeling the pressure on their pockets. From school fees and rentals to food and other basic family needs, there is so much on the to pay list of the family cash cow. I feel that I dont have a life. I work in a private hospital and I am paid Sh700,000 per month. But the money is not enough for all the family members, says Amina, who comes from a poor background. Her provider role started when she was still in college. She was forced to use part of the loan to settle her family bills, including providing for her parents. I dont remember the last time that I bought a nice dress or went out to dinner with my friends. I havent moved out of the family house like my peers have done, she says. In college, Amina used only a small portion of her loan to buy food, stationeries and toiletries. The rest of her money was sent back home to take care of her family. I never enjoyed college life because I was always broke. I sometimes used to survive on a loaf of bread per day, or share a plate of food with another broke student, she says. Amina pays school fees for her two brothers. She is the only one who contributes towards food for her family, and also clears the monthly water and electricity bills. Her parents are jobless, and their deteriorating health demands Aminas money for occasional hospital care. But with all her overwhelming responsibilities, Amina still feels that she is not flashing her hard-earned money in the toilet. She has high hopes that her contribution will pay in the future. One of my brothers is just about to finish college. I know that when he gets a job he will assist me with paying the bills. Besides when I get old I know I will have people who will be there for me, she says. Her situation is not uncommon in Tanzania. The extended family is still a core part of the culture; hence, supporting ones close and distant relatives is considered an obligation. An African thing Emmanuel Shemaghembe, a social anthropologist at the University of Dar es Salaam says helping relatives is not something negative because in Tanzania, it is taboo for one to run away from his or her family responsibilities. Refusing to help relatives is against our tradition. Many Tanzanian homes are made up of extended families, so it is unavoidable to give assistance either financially or emotionally, he says. He says its better to help a relative with settling bills like school fees or start-up capital for business than leaving that person to be a family burden in the future. If a young man does not study or does not have a stepping stone to start earning a living there is the possibility of his future being ruined. He can become a bandit and if its a woman she can become a prostitute, he says. Shemaghembe says that behind most successful people in Tanzania are many relatives who helped them reach where they are. The modern lifestyle where people believe in taking care of only the immediate family (parents and children) is a capitalist way of life. In our culture, family is extended beyond parents and children, he explains. Corroborating, Dr Godius Kahyarara, a senior lecturer of economics at the University of Dar es Salaam, says it is important for family members to help each other out. In a poor country like Tanzania, it is important to maintain the culture of families helping each other. Most people who ask for help do not take advantage of anyone but they are really struggling to get their own money and thats the reason they are asking for help, he says. However, he is quick to point out that to survive in such a situation one needs to have sound financial plan. Never gets broke Interestingly, the person who gives never gets broke. The principle here is distributing the money so as to remain with enough money for spending and saving, he advises. Even when it comes to faith matters, giving is enforced. Love your neighbour just as you love yourself, Bishop Peter Kitula of the Africa Inland Church says, quoting the Bible. Giving is a personal choice, but it has to be done when a person has the ability of giving, and also considering the weight of the problem, he says. Nassor Seif, a Muslim scholar in Tanga says giving alms is one of the Five Pillars of Islam. He says in Islam, wealth becomes pure by giving some of it away. Sharing wealth helps to control greed, he says, adding, It is sinful for people to neglect their family. There are people that we are obliged to take care of such as children, wives and parents. Fear of isolation There is also a group of people who have found themselves isolated after failing to take care of their extended families. Hussein Waziri, says his family isolated him two years ago after he refused to contribute to the welfare of his relatives. I no longer fit in my family. I am not invited to family celebrations. But this only happened after I refused to give money to my relatives, he tells Sound Living. Justifying his decision, the 51-year-old adds: I have too many responsibilities to take care of. I have two wives and five children who go to private schools. I wish I could help but I want the best for my children. Waziri, an electrical engineer with a public water utility, is the only educated person with a job in a family of six. He took care of his siblings ever since they were in secondary school. He paid their school fees and rent when they finished school. But he decided to withdraw from providing help when he was asked to take care of some of his brothers children. I am not being stingy. I just want my young brothers to be independent. I want them to erase the mentality that the elder brother has to take care of the younger ones. And I think my move is working because I see them coping with the little money they make, he says. Waziri says that, ever since he stopped giving out money, he has improved his financial status. He bought a second house and a 25-acre farm. Nevertheless, he still has this to say, I have to reconcile with my brothers. I miss them. |
