Attracting a high-quality mate isn’t about luck or beauty – it’s about the behaviors you exhibit.
Certain actions can drive the right people away, while others act like a magnet, pulling them in. That’s why it’s important to understand which behaviors to ditch if you want to attract a high-quality mate.
Hey there, I’m Tina Fey, your go-to relationship guru and founder of the Love Connection blog. I’ve seen it all and heard every story under the sun.
Now, I’m here to share the eight behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you’re serious about attracting that high-quality mate.
In the world of dating and relationships, these are the non-negotiables. So, buckle up and get ready for some hard truths.
Let’s get started.
1) Playing hard to get
In the world of dating, many believe in the power of playing hard to get. It’s often viewed as a way to appear more desirable or to keep the other person on their toes.
However, this tactic can often backfire, especially when you’re aiming for a high-quality mate. Quality individuals value authenticity and honesty. They don’t have time for games.
Playing hard to get is one of those games they dislike. All it does is send mixed signals and create uncertainty. In fact, it can even push them away.
Plus, as Dr. Aaron Ben-Zeev points out, “The main problem of playing hard to get is its deceptive and manipulative nature, which prevents us from being who we really are.”
So, if you want to attract a high-quality mate, it’s best to be upfront and clear about your feelings. Show genuine interest and be open about your intentions.
Remember, honesty is attractive. It shows confidence and self-assuredness – two traits that are often associated with high-quality people.
So say goodbye to playing hard to get. Instead, play it straight and let your true feelings shine through. It might feel scary, but trust me – it’s worth it.
2) Negative self-talk
We all have that little voice inside our head, don’t we? And sometimes, it can be our biggest critic.
But let me tell you this – the way you talk to yourself matters, especially in relationships.
You see, negativity is like a virus. It not only affects us but also the people around us. When you constantly belittle yourself, it reflects poorly on your self-esteem and sends a signal that perhaps you’re not ready for a high-quality mate.
Now I’m not saying you need to be unrealistically positive all the time. But try to balance it out. Give yourself credit where it’s due, and when you make mistakes, acknowledge them without beating yourself up.
As the wise Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Remember this quote when that inner critic starts to nag.
You are worthy of a high-quality mate, and it’s time to start believing that. Say goodbye to negative self-talk and start treating yourself with kindness and respect.
3) Codependency
Codependency can be a real deal-breaker in attracting a high-quality mate. It’s a behavior that often stems from a deep-seated fear of being alone or rejected. It can make you clingy, needy, and overly dependent on your partner for happiness.
Trust me, I’ve seen it time and again, and it’s never a healthy dynamic in any relationship.
I delve deeper about this in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. In it, I discuss how critical it is to recognize and address codependency. After all, you deserve a relationship that’s based on mutual respect and independence – not an unhealthy dependency.
So consider saying goodbye to codependency. Start by setting boundaries, nurturing your interests and passions, and seeking fulfillment outside of your relationship.
It might help to think about relationships the way high-quality people do — that it’s about being two complete individuals who choose to be together, not two half people looking for the other to complete them. Because you’re whole just as you are. And that’s the kind of person a high-quality mate is attracted to.
4) Overcompromising
Compromise is often seen as the golden rule of relationships. But, surprise – overcompromising can actually be counterproductive.
While it’s important to find common ground and meet halfway, continuously sacrificing your needs and wants can lead to resentment. It can make you feel unheard, undervalued and neglected.
The great thing about a high-quality mate is that they respect and value your opinions and desires. They want to see you happy and fulfilled, not just going along with what they want all the time.
So don’t be afraid to speak up and express your needs – a high-quality mate will appreciate your honesty and respect your boundaries.
This brings me to the next point…
5) Fear of vulnerability
Vulnerability – now that’s a word that can make a lot of us squirm, isn’t it? It definitely used to make me uncomfortable. Opening up, showing our true selves, revealing our flaws and fears – it’s scary.
But here’s what I’ve learned over the years: vulnerability is strength. It’s authenticity. It’s the ability to say, “This is me, with all my strengths and weaknesses. And I’m okay with it.”
Look, a high-quality mate isn’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for someone real, someone honest, and someone who isn’t afraid to show their true self.
So instead of holding back, embrace vulnerability. Sure, it feels risky, exposing your heart like that. But in the end, it makes for stronger, deeper connections.
6) Settling for less
Let’s get real here. Too many of us settle. We settle for less than we deserve, less than we’re worth.
And why? Because we’re afraid. Afraid that we won’t find someone better. Afraid that we’re not good enough. Afraid of being alone.
But here’s the raw truth: settling never leads to true happiness. It leads to regret, to resentment, to wondering “what if?”
A high-quality mate won’t want you to settle – for them or for anything else in life. They’ll want you to strive for what makes you happy, what fulfills you, what lights that spark inside you.
They have high standards for themselves, and they want everyone else to enjoy those same quality standards in their own lives.
So it’s time to stop settling. Stop selling yourself short. You deserve a partner who sees your worth and treats you accordingly.
Stand tall, know your worth, and never settle for anything less than you deserve. It’s a tough journey, but trust me – it’s worth every step.
7) Avoiding confrontation
Confrontation isn’t fun. Nobody likes it. Heck, I used to avoid it like the plague. But here’s what I’ve learned: avoiding confrontation doesn’t make the problems go away. It only lets them fester and grow.
According to psychology, conflict is healthy for relationships. Someone who isn’t afraid of it would actually look more attractive to a high-quality mate than someone who’s all about sweeping issues under the rug.
How so? Because it demonstrates a lot of qualities, such as:
- Emotional maturity: Shows you can handle challenges calmly and responsibly
- Respect for the relationship: Proves you value solving issues over avoiding them
- Effective communication: Highlights your ability to express, listen, and resolve
8) Pretending to be someone you’re not
Lastly, here’s the hard truth: pretending to be someone else is exhausting. It’s like wearing a mask that you can’t take off.
And the worst part? It’s a lie – to yourself and to others.
A high-quality mate isn’t looking for a perfect facade. They’re looking for authenticity, for realness. They want to know the real you – quirks, flaws, and all.
It can be scary to let your guard down, I know. But only by being true to ourselves can we attract someone who loves us for who we truly are.
Remember, you are unique, you are special. Don’t hide that under a mask of pretense. Be proud of who you are, and the right person will love you for it.
Final thoughts
Attracting a high-quality mate doesn’t require changing who you are, but rather refining and improving your behaviors. It’s about acknowledging your flaws, confronting your fears, and working on becoming the best version of yourself.A high-quality mate will appreciate your authenticity, your honesty, and your courage to be yourself. They’ll value you for who you truly are – not who you pretend to be.
