How to co-parent successful

[Dr Lizzy]

Kwanza kabisa kabla hata ya kujadili Co-parenting....tuangalie nini hupelekea wazazi kutoweza kulea mtoto wao kwa pamoja in the same household.

Jibu ni......SEPARATION!

For many, separation is considered as a self centred action...and very rightfully so, because it usually happens when one party feels like the relationship is no longer working for him or her. But again, why be miserable together while you could be much happier apart?? Right??

Kanuni yangu kubwa when it comes to parenting is "Miserable parents are not the best parents for their children."
So unapofanya maamuzi kuhusiana na mahusiano yako na mzazi mwenzio ama partner mpya fanya maamuzi ambayo sio mazuri kwako pekee, bali kwa mtoto/watoto wako pia.

Now back to Co-Parenting......

Successful co-parenting is when separated parents put their differences aside and do what is best for the kids...ALWAYS!

That means prioritising their kids wellbeing in all aspects of their lives. Be it emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, financially and so on.

HOW TO CO-PARENT SUCCESSFUL

●Parents being civil towards each other
-Ni muhimu sana kuheshimiana na mzazi mwenzio, especially mbele ya watoto. You can dislike them all you want but still, be respectful.

●Not using the kid(s) as a weapon against the other.
-Watoto hawapaswi kutumika kumkomoa mzazi mwenzio kwa namna yoyote ile.

●Not jeopardising the kid(s) wellbeing for personal gain.
- Unaweza ukadhani kuwaambia watoto maneno mabaya ni kumkomoa mzazi mwenzio, kumfanya aonekane mbaya mbele ya watoto huku wewe ukijitutumua kwamba ni bora zaidi but in fact, wanaoumia ni watoto. Unaanza kuwafanya wahisi kuwa abandoned, neglected even. Wanaishia kuona they are not worth being loved or cared for by the other parent...and that will possibly create a very troubled person as a child all the way to adulthood.

●Being considarate.
- Misplaced anger is the worst kind of anger hivyo usielekeze hasira zinazotokana na mzazi mwenzio kwa watoto.
NO. MATTER. WHAT!

Kwa faida ya mtoto jitahidi kumnenea maneno mazuri siku zote. Hivi mtoto akiwa na soft spot towards the other parent wewe unapoteza nini?? Na unapomtukana mtoto kuwa ni mjinga, mbaya,mzembe etc. kutokana na mama/baba yake what do you gain??? Absolutely nothing!!! Ila kwa mtoto you are taking everything away from him/her. Kuanzia kujipenda, kujiamini, kujituma ana so on.

Just ask yourself one simple question...would you have liked it if the same was done to you as a child??? Probably NOT! Then don't do it to your child(ren).

Shirikiana na mzazi mwenzio kadri inavyowezekana kuwa wazazi bora kwa mtoto/watoto wenu.

BE BETTER!!

Cc
#SingleMothersClub (SMC)😁😁
bila kuwasahau #SingleFathersClub(SFC) japo huwa hawajitambulishagi humu kwa sana🙊🙊

Karucee Chakorii snowhite

 

[The Monk]

Where did you get this "Single Mother" vocabulary? In my opinion, Single Parent could be ideal.

Bundle ya kiingereza imeisha...

Tukirudi kwenye hoja.
Umegusia vitu vya msingi sana. Nikukumbushe tu, pale maslahi ya watoto yanapokua kipaumbele, mambo yanakua ahueni kwa watoto.

Kuna watoto hawapati hii haki ya malezi bora licha ya wazazi wote kuishi pamoja.

 

[mkabasia]

Tunaruhusiwa kucoment ambao sio single mothers.
Well, mi kitu ambacho huwa sipendi ni mzazi mmojawapo kumshirikisha mtoto madhaifu ya mwenzi wake. Hata kama mmegombana jitahidini tofauti zenu zisilete chuki kwa watoto. Yani ile unakuta mtoto hampendi baba/mama kutokana na story alizoziskia kwa mzazi mmoja wapo.

Lastly maisha lazima yaendelee mlee mtoto katika njia impasayo hatoiacha hadi uzeeni.

Sent from my CPH2185 using JamiiForums mobile app

 

[Dr Lizzy]

Where did you get this "Single Mother" vocabulary? In my opinion, Single Parent could be ideal.

Bundle ya kiingereza imeisha...

Tukirudi kwenye hoja.
Umegusia vitu vya msingi sana. Nikukumbushe tu, pale maslahi ya watoto yanapokua kipaumbele, mambo yanakua ahueni kwa watoto.

Kuna watoto hawapati hii haki ya malezi bora licha ya wazazi wote kuishi pamoja.

"Single Mother" ni trending vocabulary humu ndani The Monk so wahusika tunaenda nayo hìvyo hivyo.🙂🙂

Tukirudi kwenye mada...you are absolutely right.

As sad as it may be...ukweli ni kwamba watoto wengi wana-turn out owwkey kwa kudra za Mwenyenzi Mungu tu.

 

[Dr Lizzy]

Tunaruhusiwa kucoment ambao sio single mothers.
Well, mi kitu ambacho huwa sipendi ni mzazi mmojawapo kumshirikisha mtoto madhaifu ya mwenzi wake. Hata kama mmegombana jitahidini tofauti zenu zisilete chuki kwa watoto. Yani ile unakuta mtoto hampendi baba/mama kutokana na story alizoziskia kwa mzazi mmoja wapo.

Lastly maisha lazima yaendelee mlee mtoto katika njia impasayo hatoiacha hadi uzeeni.

Sent from my CPH2185 using JamiiForums mobile app

Ofcourse mkabasia 🙂

Huwa tunawaumìza sana watoto...ni vile hatujui tu. Sema yote hayo ni matokeo hasira/chuki towards the other parent 😒

 

[mkabasia]

Ofcourse mkabasia

Huwa tunawaumìza sana watoto...ni vile hatujui tu. Sema yote hayo ni matokeo hasira/chuki towards the other parent

Yote kwa yote mlee tu mtoto wako vyema huku akijua baba yake yupo, ila usiingie deep sana kuelezea kilicho wafarakanisha. Everything will be okey.

Niliwahi ishi na mtoto wa kakangu, alimchukua kwa mama yake so mi nlimlea kwa muda tu kabla kakangu hajaoa, aisee sijapata ona mwanamke msumbufu yule. Mi ni mwanamke mwenzake lakini nilinyoosha mikono kwa dada yule. Nkajisemea ndo mana kakangu hajamuoa. So wakati mwingine sisi wadada ndo tunachangia kuharibu watoto.

Sent from my CPH2185 using JamiiForums mobile app

 

[The Monk]

"Single Mother" ni trending vocabulary humu ndani The Monk so wahusika tunaenda nayo hìvyo hivyo.🙂🙂

Tukirudi kwenye mada...you are absolutely right.

As sad as it may be...ukweli ni kwamba watoto wengi wana-turn out owwkey kwa kudra za Mwenyenzi Mungu tu.

Watoto ndio wanaishia kuwa wahanga.

 

[Karucee]

It is very possible to Co-parent and bring up healthy little humans who have no issues or trauma from broken families.

And it takes mature parents to umderstand this. Grownups who have moved on from their relationship, healed and are ready for parenting.

Bravo for such an awesome thread.

 

[Evelyn Salt]

Hivi kwenye co-parenting kunjunjana huwa haipo kweli????

Mfano zari na mondi vile mara wako chumbani wote??? Mmh co-parenting za dizaini hizo haziletagi watoto wengine???

 

[Samcezar]

If u don't plan to stay together and build a family, why bring kids that u can't raise together under one roof. This is western culture bullshit.

Am out....

 

[JABALI LA KARNE]

Kwa akili hii, single mama hawezi pata mwanaume serious akafurahia familia. This is bull shit.

Binti Ukizaa na mwanaume asiyetayari kuwa baba wa mtoto wako kwa kukuweka ndani na kukutunza kisha ukapata mwanaume aliyetayari kuwa na familia na wewe achana na uzungu wa you know,I am co-parenting with him even if i hate him, nyenye nyeenyeeee.

 

[amu]

Mbona hujaandika terms and condtitions?

 

[Heaven Sent]

Mimi naongeea tu yale niliyoyaona ona.

-Kukubali kwamba mahusiano yenu ya kimapenzi yamekwisha; mmebaki kulea watoto tu. Hivyo ni vyema kila mtu akajiheshimu na kuheshimu mahusiano ya mzazi mwenzio.
Co-parenting sio ugomvi; ila ni vizuri kila mtu kujua limits zake; m-behave kama wazazi wenza na sio wapenzi. Mawasiliano mazuri yawepo kati yenu, ila yawe mawasiliano yanayohusu zaidi mtoto/watoto. Sio mtu umepiga tu chafya, ushapiga simu kwa mzazi mwenzio; na ukute mwenzako ana ndoa. Au eti mzazi mwenzako ndiyo mfariji wako mkuu; huyo uliyenaye kwenye mahusiano atakuelewa? Waafrika tunaendekeza sana ngono, so kusipokuwa na limit, hii co-parenting itazalisha watoto wengine huko mbele. Mawasiliano yawe wazi hata kwa wenzi wenu, sio mtu anakuja kusikia tu kwa majirani kuwa juzi wenzio wakikuwa kwenye birthday ya mtoto wao mmh.

-Inapotokea nyie wazazi mna makasiriko sana; tafuteni mtu wa 3 ambaye atatumika kama medium ya nyinyi kuwasiliana juu ya mtoto; hadi pale mtakapomaliza tofauti zenu. Sio yale ya Diamond anajilalamisha anashindwa kuona na kuhudumia watoto kisa Zari kamblock insta: kichekesho.

- Kuna wale baby daddies ambao wanakuwa so responsible kwa watoto as long as baby momma yupo single. Akijua tu baby momma amepata mwenzi, visa vinaanza. Na wengine anataka awe anakukula ndiyo ahudumie watoto, ukigoma kukulwa anatelekeza na watoto; shame.

-Baby mommas ambao hawajakubali kuacha/kuachika wanaowajaza watoto wao sumu kuhusu wenza wa baba zao (mama zao wa kambo). Nakumbuka kuna member humu alisema ilifikia hatua, akawakataza kabisa watoto kwenda likizo kwa mama yao. Kwa sababu kila walipokuwa wakienda kwa mama yao; wanarudi na viburi na dharau juu ya mama yao mlezi, kwa sababu ya yale mama aliyokuwa anawajaza watoto. Kama mtoto yupo kwa mama; baba anaweza akaamua kukata mawasiliano, na mkawa mnawasiliana zaidi kwa miamala. As much as kila mzazi anataka kuhakikisha welfare ya m(wa)toto wake wa nje; yet anataka kuhakikisha anailinda ndoa/mahusiano yake mpya Usimfanye mtoto wenu akawa ndiyo adui wa ndoa ya baba yake; majibu utayaona mwisho wa siku.

Kuna wale baby mommas ambao wanatumia watoto kupata attention ya baby daddies. Wakati mwingine anadanganya hata mtoto anaumwa, ili tu baby daddy aje au awe anapigapiga simu.

Nimeongelea zaidi visa vya baby mommas, kwa sababu kiukweli baby momma akisema mahusiano yamekufa, ni yamekufa kweli. Baby daddy hata alete figisu kiasi gani, baby momma huwa anakaza. Shida inatokea pale ambapo baby momma hajakubaliana na hali; huwa wana visa sana, na hawa wababa ni rahisi sana kuwa manipulated kwa sababu ya watoto. Sio rahisi kuvunja ndoa/mahusiano ya baby momma kwa sababu ya visa vya baby daddy; ila ni rahisi sana kuvunja mahusiano ya baby daddy kwa sababu ya visa vya baby momma.

Tukiwa college final year; aunt yangu mmoja alimpoteza first born wake, kwa sababu tu baby momma wa mumewe alikuwa anaona kama yule kijana ndiyo atakuwa mrithi mkuu wa mali za baba yake. Kuna madawa baby momma alimpa mtoto wake, naye akaja akampa kaka yake pasipo kujua; akaja akafariki. Ulikuwa mlolongo mrefu hadi ukweli kuja kujulikana; and yule kijana aliyetumika kumdhuru kaka yake, akafukuzwa pale nyumbani na mengineyo. Tujifunze kukubali kwamba mahusiano yameisha, kila mtu ashike 50 zake.

Waafrika tujifunze kuhusu co-parenting, isitumike kama kichaka cha kuendeleza uzinzi nyuma ya wenzi wetu. Ndiyo maana huku utaambiwa usijihushishe na single parent hadi uone kaburi la mzazi mwenzie. Kwa wale ambao mnajitambua na kulea watoto wenu kwa amani; Mungu awabariki kwa kweli

 

[Heaven Sent]

Haaha kwa wanaojitambua hakuna; ila kwa wale kina sisi ni kupasha viporo kwenda mbele.

Ile ya Mondi na Zari labda kwa uzunguni na wenye mioyo ya kizungu. Em imagine mumeo wa kiafrika tena, anakuona chumbani na mzazi mwenzio eti mnacheza na watoto hehehhe

Hivi kwenye co-parenting kunjunjana huwa haipo kweli????

Mfano zari na mondi vile mara wako chumbani wote??? Mmh co-parenting za dizaini hizo haziletagi watoto wengine???

 

[Samcezar]

Kwa akili hii, single mama hawezi pata mwanaume serious akafurahia familia. This is bull shit.

Binti Ukizaa na mwanaume asiyetayari kuwa baba wa mtoto wako kwa kukuweka ndani na kukutunza kisha ukapata mwanaume aliyetayari kuwa na familia na wewe achana na uzungu wa you know,I am co-parenting with him even if i hate him, nyenye nyeenyeeee.

true master hapo umenena. Unajua hizi mambo ni za wazungu, kwa huku Africa wakileta huu u****e ni suicide mission. Sababu wanaume ndio watacharuka mara mbili ya sasa wanavyoharibu.

Hivi kabisa me nikutane na mwanamke kwanza iwe zali nimempenda nikamuoa baada ya kujua ana mtoto, halafu aniletee hizi mbombo ngafu, yaani hatoamini movie ntakazomletea.....

Na mimi nitakuwa na co-oparent wenzangu kama 10 hivi...... Halafu tuone kama atahandle....

 

[JABALI LA KARNE]

true master hapo umenena. Unajua hizi mambo ni za wazungu, kwa huku Africa wakileta huu u****e ni suicide mission. Sababu wanaume ndio watacharuka mara mbili ya sasa wanavyoharibu.

Hivi kabisa me nikutane na mwanamke kwanza iwe zali nimempenda nikamuoa baada ya kujua ana mtoto, halafu aniletee hizi mbombo ngafu, yaani hatoamini movie ntakazomletea.....

Na mimi nitakuwa na co-oparent wenzangu kama 10 hivi...... Halafu tuone kama atahandle....

Mkuu ni uzinzi kwa kisingizio cha co-parenting.. wanaume si wajinga🤣

 

[Evelyn Salt]

Haaha kwa wanaojitambua hakuna; ila kwa wale kina sisi ni kupasha viporo kwenda mbele.

Ile ya Mondi na Zari labda kwa uzunguni na wenye mioyo ya kizungu. Em imagine mumeo wa kiafrika tena, anakuona chumbani na mzazi mwenzio eti mnacheza na watoto hehehhe

Mmmh kwakweli co-parenting sio kwa ajili yetu black people 😂😂😂

 

[Evelyn Salt]

true master hapo umenena. Unajua hizi mambo ni za wazungu, kwa huku Africa wakileta huu u****e ni suicide mission. Sababu wanaume ndio watacharuka mara mbili ya sasa wanavyoharibu.

Hivi kabisa me nikutane na mwanamke kwanza iwe zali nimempenda nikamuoa baada ya kujua ana mtoto, halafu aniletee hizi mbombo ngafu, yaani hatoamini movie ntakazomletea.....

Na mimi nitakuwa na co-oparent wenzangu kama 10 hivi...... Halafu tuone kama atahandle....

😂😂😂😂 Co-parent zako 10

 

[David Ben Gurion]

Ofcourse mkabasia 🙂

Huwa tunawaumìza sana watoto...ni vile hatujui tu. Sema yote hayo ni matokeo hasira/chuki towards the other parent 😒

If u don't plan to stay together and build a family, why bring kids that u can't raise together under one roof. This is western culture bullshit.

Am out....

Hii Kitu inaumiza Sana tena Sana ni Vile basi tuu unajikuta huwezi Rudisha Muda Nyuma Lakini Ukweli Ubinafsi na Kukubali Kubeba Upumbavu Kifuani ndo unapelekea Jamii Kuharibika kiasi Hiki... Maana watoto wanaojikuta katika Hali Hii Huwa na Shida Fulani kichwani wengi wao. Na hata mahusiano Yao Huwa ya vurugu tupu.. Kuna wakati ukisoma Bible unaona Kabisa ni Kwa Nini Mungu alionya Kuhusu Kutengana na Pia Kuhusu Misamaha.

 

[joseph1989]

View attachment 1975018

Kwanza kabisa kabla hata ya kujadili Co-parenting....tuangalie nini hupelekea wazazi kutoweza kulea mtoto wao kwa pamoja in the same household.

Jibu ni......SEPARATION!

For many, separation is considered as a self centred action...and very rightfully so, because it usually happens when one party feels like the relationship is no longer working for him or her. But again, why be miserable together while you could be much happier apart?? Right??

Kanuni yangu kubwa when it comes to parenting is "Miserable parents are not the best parents for their children."
So unapofanya maamuzi kuhusiana na mahusiano yako na mzazi mwenzio ama partner mpya fanya maamuzi ambayo sio mazuri kwako pekee, bali kwa mtoto/watoto wako pia.

Now back to Co-Parenting......

Successful co-parenting is when separated parents put their differences aside and do what is best for the kids...ALWAYS!

That means prioritising their kids wellbeing in all aspects of their lives. Be it emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, financially and so on.

HOW TO CO-PARENT SUCCESSFUL

●Parents being civil towards each other
-Ni muhimu sana kuheshimiana na mzazi mwenzio, especially mbele ya watoto. You can dislike them all you want but still, be respectful.

●Not using the kid(s) as a weapon against the other.
-Watoto hawapaswi kutumika kumkomoa mzazi mwenzio kwa namna yoyote ile.

●Not jeopardising the kid(s) wellbeing for personal gain.
- Unaweza ukadhani kuwaambia watoto maneno mabaya ni kumkomoa mzazi mwenzio, kumfanya aonekane mbaya mbele ya watoto huku wewe ukijitutumua kwamba ni bora zaidi but in fact, wanaoumia ni watoto. Unaanza kuwafanya wahisi kuwa abandoned, neglected even. Wanaishia kuona they are not worth being loved or cared for by the other parent...and that will possibly create a very troubled person as a child all the way to adulthood.

●Being considarate.
- Misplaced anger is the worst kind of anger hivyo usielekeze hasira zinazotokana na mzazi mwenzio kwa watoto.
NO. MATTER. WHAT!

Kwa faida ya mtoto jitahidi kumnenea maneno mazuri siku zote. Hivi mtoto akiwa na soft spot towards the other parent wewe unapoteza nini?? Na unapomtukana mtoto kuwa ni mjinga, mbaya,mzembe etc. kutokana na mama/baba yake what do you gain??? Absolutely nothing!!! Ila kwa mtoto you are taking everything away from him/her. Kuanzia kujipenda, kujiamini, kujituma ana so on.

Just ask yourself one simple question...would you have liked it if the same was done to you as a child??? Probably NOT! Then don't do it to your child(ren).

Shirikiana na mzazi mwenzio kadri inavyowezekana kuwa wazazi bora kwa mtoto/watoto wenu.

BE BETTER!!

Cc
#SingleMothersClub (SMC)😁😁
bila kuwasahau #SingleFathersClub(SFC) japo huwa hawajitambulishagi humu kwa sana🙊🙊

Karucee Chakorii snowhite

Lifestyle za siku hizi zinazo waharibu watoto, sometimes basi tu ubinafsi wetu tuna uendekeza mpaka tunawaumiza watoto.

Tunatengeneza kizazi ambacho nacho hakitajua nini maana na thamani ya familia.